Well, Shit

A little less than a year ago we kicked off our first IVF cycle as a couple.  I was put on the minimum doses, and my body responded with near-clinical perfection.  Last summer we had our FET, and once again my body responded like clockwork.

Somewhere, the cogs stopped being oiled. 

We went for our first scan today. 

It did not go well.

I've been on stims for 6 days now, the exact same doses as last time (20 of Buserelin, 150 of Menopur).  6 days into my cycle last time the scan revealed 14 follicles.  As an egg share donor I need to have at least 8 follicles because the donee has to get 4 and I have to get 4.  If I don't have 8, some pretty painful decisions need to be made. 

The scan revealed I have 7 follicles, plus a few tiny ones that may or may not catch up (but not boding well this far into the protocol).

7 follicles-half of what I had the same way into the same protocol 10 months ago.

Just 7.

I am apparently not stimulated enough (insert sexual joke of preference here.)

The sizes of the follicles are strange, too-I have some pretty large follicles, which would lead one to think that I am nearing the end of my protocol.  Ironically I've been feeling really uncomfortable inside, but I had convinced myself it was just nerves as there was no way they could be around the 15mm mark already.  But they are-many of mine are 12-15mm in size already, which I'd expect to see on Wednesday, not today. 

For the first time in my history at this IVF clinic, they drew blood to check estradiol numbers (they don't do that over here.  In the States you're all human IVF pincushions but in the UK, they just go for the muff viewings, the needles are for the hardcore.)  I should hear from them later today about the results-the blood draw in itself was unusual-each time they stuck me the veins would collapse down.  I've never, ever had this happen.  It took them 5 extraordinarily painful tries to get any blood at all. 

Based on the numbers, I'm to call the clinic late today to see if they're going to up my dosage.  If they don't up my dosage, my egg retrieval date may slide out a few days.  In the meantime I will drink more water than I am already drinking (Call me Ishmael).  I nearly cried today from all of this, and I've been coping really well on this cycle.  We took fucking ages at the clinic, Aidan missed two meetings which has him feeling pretty unhappy, I have absolutely loads of work to do but think I am going to bunk off and go to yoga to try to get my head in a good place instead, and I all I can do is wait and see what dosage tonight bodes (I won't know what the numbers will mean as I've never had to do this before, and I will resist being a googlechondriac, I will simply follow whatever dose they then tell me to).

They say a woman's body reaches a reproductive point where it starts to all go downhill in terms of response.

I'm beginning to wonder if I have hit that point.

I am feeling really, really stressed out now, in a cycle where so far I've been nearly comatose.  Maybe this all works out ok and I am just over-reacting (because that never happens.)

Next scan on Wednesday.

*UPDATED* Clinic just rang-apparently my estradiol numbers were so shite that they haven't increased my dosage from 150 to 225, as we'd discussed.  Instead, they're doubling my dose from 150 to 300 in hopes of "catching my eggs up".  I'm stressed as fuck and tears are very, very near.

*ALSO UPDATED*  Yoga was fucking cancelled.  CANCELLED.  They instead offered me a "stretch and tone" session, to which I thought: Bitch, please.  I do the grown-up yoga and you want to give me stretch and tone?  That's like offering a hardcore weekend bender a bottle of breast milk.  Don't waste my time.

Comments

[wn]

I'm thinking of you and sending you good news vibes.

[DD]

"well, shit" is what I would have said, too. My response has never been predictable(except to say it's normally lousy).

I'll hope that the blood levels indicate that the person weilding the wand missed a few.

[April]

Thinking of you.

[thalia]

Ah bollocks, Vanessa, that really sucks. I don't want to blow happy dust at you, but more follicles have always shown up for me between days 8 and 10. So it is possible. I know it's shit, and very stressful, but try to hang in there. I hope the yoga helped.

[Lindsay]

Your ovaries really know how to make a Monday earns it reputation, don't they? I hope things look better asap.

[Lut C.]

Gah, unwelcome worries!

5 tries to get blood?! And I balk at two tries. My veins are generally uncooperative as well.

[Tinker]

Ah crap. All I can say is that I hope at least another one or seven show up by the next scan (I found three between baseline and day six of stims).

I'm curious about your egg share program and how it works. Is your cycle free if you split your eggs? Does the donee receive half? Or only four regardless of how many you produce?

[Jen]

I have to say that this has got to be one of the best blogs, I appreciate and respect your honesty. I have just started IUI, trying to get pregnant for 2 years without any assistance (37 yrs old) and have reached out to look for info. Good luck I am thinking of you!

[Polichick]

Crap. Crossing my fingers the increased dosage does the trick.

[teamwinks]

Damn!

[Sarah]

aaah crap. wish I could offer strong words of encouragement. will be thinking of you loads over the coming days...

[Jill]

I am thinking of you, and hopefully upping the dosage will help.

Well shit, indeed. I agree.

[Just Me]

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.

I love you.

[Tinker]

It just dawned on me to wonder whether you might have been a bit oversuppressed from the additional days of waiting for the donee to get caught up....

[Meri-ann]

Hmmm.... sounds very familiar. My follicles grow at totally different rates, and at day 6 of stims I wouldn't even bother with a scan, I normally have my first scan at about day 10. If you have to stim a bit longer, then so be it. You may find at your next scan you have quite a few more, and fyi over at my clinic we only muff view as well, estradiol can be quite deceiving if you have it done before you surge.

So the upshot, hang in there- drink alcohol and grit your teeth.... x

[Anita]

Shit on a stick. What a Monday.

I'm thinking about you and have all of my body parts crossed.

[hopefulmother]

Ugh. I really hope better news is ahead.

(BTW, my clinic only does u/s unless there's a reason for a blood draw. And sadly, I'd say I prefer the u/s to the blood draw any day....)

[Watson]

Vanessa,

I am so sorry...at least you went into this crisis in a good place emotionally, because it certainly sounds like a total cluster-F.

I hope your eggs 'catch up' with this new dose of meds.

Sending you good thoughts and wishing you much luck.

xoxo

[Amanda]

currently in the same boat as you posted here on day six of stims as well and my es # is only 295 and I have a lot of tiny little dont matter follicles and only one that measures 12x7, wondering how yours turned out..What is the longest you can stim..? 14 days..?
thanks
Amanda