13dp2dt

Tomorrow is the day.

The big test day.

Must find number 2 pencil...

As usual, I don't have a beta-in general they don't do betas here.  We get a super-sensitive medical pregnancy test that requires us to pee in a cup and use a little stopper to deposit the wee on a tiny spot of the test.  It's impossible to hit it exactly, so of course my germ-phobia goes overtime and I get out the Hazmat gear to clean up a few drops of urine.  So I'll be doing my super-sensitive test first thing in the morning and see what happens. 

I remember watching that BBC series, that Child Against All Odds one, and seeing the episode about egg sharing.  Two couples went through it- one couple up north and one Welsh couple.  The northern couple didn't produce enough eggs to share, so she kept them all but didn't get pregnant.  The Welsh couple had 8 eggs, so they kept 4, and transferred 2. 

On test day there she was with the same test we have.  She had her plastic cup and test with her as she joined her husband in the living room.  Placing the kit on the coffee table, she took her stopper and sucked up the nice yellow stuff and held it fucking miles over the test.  Urine went on the coffee table.

ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

I couldn't stop staring at it.

"Clean it up!" I shrieked.  "Oh my God, there's urine on the coffee table!  Infection!  Danger!  Massive grossness!  Clean it up!  Clean it the fuck up!"

My priorities are definitely in order.

Anyway, her test came up positive, and the first thing she did?  Oh my god.  The first thing she did was ring what seemed like her entire village to tell everyone within a 3 mile radius that she was pregnant.  I couldn't tear my eyes away, it was like watching a two headed zebra.  I felt like I could have stopped her, I felt like if I screamed loud enough she could hear me and put the phone down. You don't tell people in real life this early! my mind roared.  Danger Will Robinson, danger!  But ring she did, and she went on to have a beautiful little girl.

In my own cycle, I'm actually doing ok-I feel pretty positive and chipper, this isn't consuming every waking minute of my thoughts, and in fact I'm going to seduce the boy as soon as he gets back from the gym this morning. See?  I can think about other things.

If my test is positive, then we won't be telling anyone in real life until the second trimester.  If it's positive I'll be over the moon, but also really, really terrified-I don't want to miscarry again.  I can't face it, I think if a miscarriage is in the cards it may be the end of my spectacular IVF career at the tender age of 32 (ok, I'm almost 33, but let's not split hairs.) 

It's naive, but if it's positive I think I'll be ok from the heartbeat on.  I know things can still go wrong and I'm sure I'll be a bit worried, but the heartbeat is what I'm focussing on.

Stupidly, I feel like 2007 is my year.  IT'S MY YEAR.  I got engaged, passed my driving test, and have gotten out of a horrible project at work already.  All that and it's not even the end of February yet.  It's also the Year of the Golden Boar, which happens in the Chinese calendar only once every 60 years. The Chinese New Year kicked off on the 18th, and the Year of the Golden Boar is a symbol of fertility and prosperity.  Children born during this year are said to be honest, loyal and hard-working.  I'm being stupid I'm sure, but if 2007 is my year, the Year of the Golden Boar could also be my year.  Why not?  I've never really eaten pork, isn't it some kind of synchronicity (can you say "straws" and "clutching at"?)

All this makes me feel like I've been counting my blastocysts before they've hatched (oh come on, like you've never thought that!) 

I've thought a lot about if it's negative, too.  If it's negative we're going on a nice long holiday in either April or June with Aidan's kids (we usually go away in February, but this cycle got in the way.)  No IVF will be considered until after we return, so it'll be a very long gap.  It'll also be out of our own pocket, as you're only allowed to donate twice in the UK and we've just done that. 

It will also be the last IVF cycle. 

So we'll see tomorrow.  In terms of symptoms, I have a lot of indigestion and some feelings of nausea, particularly if my stomach is empty, but that could be down to the medication.  My breasts are white hot molten mounds of pain but I know for a fact the progesterone causes that.  I get headaches and am extremely tired, but then I'm not sleeping so well, either. I've had no spotting and my knickers generally look like they're a new home to a snail trailer park.  I do have loads and loads of cramps, but that could be either wind (yup, still have it) or my period about to arrive (I refuse to call it AF-I'm not twelve, I don't need to butter it up into something cute and cheerful reminiscent of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle or anything like that.  It's a fucking period, and it'll remain so). 

In short, I just don't know.

But in less than 24 hours, I will.

Comments

[regina]

I remember seeing that a few years ago when I lived in the netherlands. I remember thinking lucky bastards ( even though I wasn't IF then.. or I didn't know it then.. )

best of luck tomorrow.. i'm still cramping, no bleeding and still 2 days behind ya!
take care
regina

[Kath]

Dear Vanessa, I so admire your fortitude. And oh, how I am hoping for you!

[Lut C.]

I taped that episode, and watched it just after transfer. BAD IDEA! The odds he quoted of it working were quite a bit lower than I had in mind. :-/

And of course it worked for her. I too was utterly shocked that she phoned all those people, literally before the stick was dry (or the coffee table). Then again, she had a kid naturally from a previous relationship, perhaps the old routine kicked in?

I'm hoping for you.

[katie]

Best of luck for tomorrow.

Incidentally, urine is extremely unlikely to be anything other than sterile - only if you have a bladder infection will it not be sterile. And you'd know.

Don't ask me how I know this. You don't want to know.

[Justme]

Keeping every body part possible to cross crossed. Hoping that this year is your year too!

[Bea]

Yeah, urine is really clean. It's probably better than putting your grotty fingers all over the coffee table. Then again, I think it's pretty healthy to have an aversion to human waste, so I'm not going to come down on you too hard there.

I don't want to sound too hopeful, so I'll just say my fingers are crossed and we'll see what we see, I guess.

Bea

[Kellie]

I am sending you good wishes for 9 months of happy news to follow.

I love your writing. It makes me happy - it makes me smile.

Plus, you and I share a strong dislike for all things germ-and-cootie related. For Heaven's sake woman, get the pee OFF THE TABLE!

[DD]

How have you resisted testing on your own? I need to know what magical strength you possess.

I hope you'll update as soon as the pee splats.

[donna]

Just so you know, I won't be getting anything done today, because it's very hard to do much with all your fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed.

[Ms. Pants]

I think I'd have had the same reaction to the pee on the table. I mean, why not just bring the cameras into the loo? Cos really--pee belongs in a loo.

I'm hoping and wishing and praying and candle-lighting and if you want, I might even sacrifice one of the cats' toy mice. They can spare it.

[Lindsay]

I don't know what to say today! "EEEEEEEEK!" doesn't seem to do my emotions justice, so I'll just say that I want this for you so much! Hopefully you know where I'm coming from without me actually having to be eloquent enough to say it.

[caltechgirl]

Good luck,hon. I have everything crossed over here as well!

[Carol]

Good luck tomorrow!

I picked up the phone and called the small handful of people who knew about the IVF cycle. But most others will have to wait. I agree that seeing the heartbeat is the big milestone.

I think the nausea is a good sign. It's the only sign I had this time that was different from my other failed cycles - and this one was positive for me.

GOOD LUCK!

[Carol]

oh, and I'm with you on the pee. yes, yes, I know people say that it's sterile. but still.... it's pee...

[wn]

Best of luck tomorrow. I'll keep fingers, toes and eyes crossed (ok, not eyes, but you get the point!)

[infertilegirl]

OK you've got the US contigent pulling for you. Hang in there!!!!

[thalia]

Yup, I thought the same thing about that episode. More about the phoning than the urine on the coffee table, although I thought that, too! And AF? Drives me BANANAS. What are we, 11??

[Sarah]

right here waiting with you!

[wRitErsbLock]

I am thinking so many happy thoughts in your direction.

Hugs!

[marie-baguette]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Well I confessed I called pretty much all my friends when I learned I was pregnant after my first IVF. And then 1 week later, I miscarried. So this time I am very very careful not to jinx it. Bonne chance. Thinking of you.

[blcc]

Updated from blog owner - BLCC-I deleted your comment because you were being a patronizing bitch and if you come back and leave a similar one, then you'll not be welcome here, to the point where I will ban you. M'kay?