Passing Time (and Gas) at 8dp2dt

I woke up this morning feeling a little less positive and giving in a bit to the dark side - what if it's not working?  The nausea has abated a lot, is that a bad sign? Blah, blah, blah.

No idea if it's working or not, and 6 more days to go until I test, and I can tell you-the urge to take a home pregnancy test is stronger than it's ever been on any cycle before. 

So anyway, while I sit out the 2ww I give you a true tale that heretofore only Statia and her dear husband Dink knew about.  Brace yourself-it's TMI, but I figure you've probably read worse here.

Last cycle the cyclogest suppositores (also called pessaries) were really acting up with me.  I suffer from IBS, so as you can imagine shoving a waxy vegetable-oil based bullet up the backside tends to complicate things.  I had asked the RE if I could, um, switch holes, and she said yes I could after a week of testing out my colon. 

On the last day of testing out my colon, I was really gassy.  It was so humiliating, and they were the horrible kind of farts that make you think Christ, I hope she didn't follow through with that one, because dear God, the SMELL. (I never followed through, I swear.)  That morning I did the usual-got up, peed, dropped trou, and then put a little water on the top of the pessary to insert (what?  My ass is not a welcoming committee, it needs a bit of motion lotion to get the pessary party started.)  This was done in conjunction of the company of my cat Maggie, who likes to sit on the edge of the bathtub and keep us company in our morning ablutions.

I bent over.

I pushed the pessary in.

And-oh God, I can't believe I have so little to tell you that I'm bring this story out-it apparently hit a gas pocket, as that little fucker shot right out of me like a hormonal cannon ball act and rolled onto the bathroom floor. 
 
To add insult to injury, Maggie jumped off the tub and started playing with it, which commenced with me shrieking "Maggie no!  Musn't touch!  Dirty!  DIRTY!"

My humiliation was massive.  I plucked the pessary from its feline tormentor, sighed, threw it away, and tried again with a fresh one.

Yeah.  So I can give those Thai acts with their ping pong ball acts a run for their money now.

Trying to keep sane, and trying to stay positive here

Comments

[judi]

Oh My that story is too funny. Just want you to know I've been thinking about you here in Kentucky. It isn't my 2WW but I'm still so anxious just the same!

[anon]

O, just stick the things up your cooter. I promise, it works just fine. And since I've just revised an article about this very issue in IVF, I can tell you that most studies say that both holes do the trick equally well. You can't actually judge from your progesterone blood levels, cause it hits your uterus first (so you may have plenty in the right place even when your blood levels seem low).

[beagle]

This post made me laugh . . . the things we go through in our babyquest! I think each one of us could write a book!

Good Luck with the remaining wait . . . hope it has a happy ending (beginning!)

[DD]

You have to be a little more careful, Vanessa. You could shoot an eye out with those things.

[Mina Wolf]

OMG, that's worse then my cats walking into the bathroom to sniff my undies while I'm on the toilet.

I'll stay positive for you.

[Heather]

Sweet Lord I needed that laugh this morning - Thank You!!

[statia]

You're still my hero.

[April]

Literally laying on the floor of O'Hare (my fourth cancelled flight in as many days) laughing so hard I can't breathe.

[sophie]

Humor is a good thing. I am thinking about you every day and counting down with you. Hang in there.

[caltechgirl]

That was the best laugh I have had in DAYS.

DAYS I tell you.

[Mel]

Laughing (and vomiting a little) over this story :-)

[Lut C.]

The cat didn't seem to mind. :-)

[Tinker]

Oh how sad -- both that it happened and that you felt compelled to tell us the story. I won't say I didn't laugh though.

I read that taking progesterone vaginally actually gets a bunch of the hormone directly to the uterus through the cervix. Isn't that enough ammunition (haha!) to switch?

[Meri-ann]

You know, you could earn a pretty decent living with that talent? Someone, somewhere, would find that extreeeeemely appealing!

[Carol]

OMG. I just had to close my office door because I'm laughing so loud. You poor thing. I thought the PIO was bad, but these nasty things sound way worse.

[Kellie]

Oh. My. God. Now THAT was funny! I'm sending you every "make time pass faster" vibe that I can muster. I'll be checking back hoping for good news soon.

[Zee]

Hysterical. Absolutely hysterical. I think I wet my pants.

Well, may the rest of the time pass as easily (and entertainingly) as the gas. Keeping my fingers crossed (and my bunghole clenched) for you!

[marie-baguette]

LOL! You are the best at writting the indignities we suffer to become mothers! Keeping my fingers crossed. PS: yep vaginal suppos are not that bad... they do leak though

[Bea]

That's funny! Nothing like a good fart joke. (You know how much better that is than an ordinary fart joke, don't you?)

Bea

[teamwinks]

Fact is sure funnier than fiction! That's hysterical! You will never forget this, that's for sure!

[regina]

I really needed to read that!! You cracked me up. I can picture that happening with my cats ( correction, now cat...:-( too!!

Take care,I know you are just 2 days ahead of me, but do not give in to the urge to pee... say no to the stick.. now step away from the bathroom and go do anything else!! :-)

[Anita]

OMG Vanessa, you should have recorded that and slapped it up on YouTube! Guarenteed to have the most number of hits on the whole site and who knows ... you may have gotten a movie deal out of it.

[Anita]

OMG Vanessa, you should have recorded that and slapped it up on YouTube! Guarenteed to have the most number of hits on the whole site and who knows ... you may have gotten a movie deal out of it.

[Jas]

Dear Lord that is the funniest damn read I've had in a long time :)