Reaching Out To Whomever
Dear Oprah,
I'm inches away from taking a home pregnancy test, and as I'm only nearing 10dp2dt, this is a bad thing. Please help me Oprah. Maybe if I reach under my chair you can have hidden a whole unopened pack of hpts. I'd prefer First Response Early Results, as they're supposed to be the bestest and the Waitrose near us has the crap ones. I don't think it's too much to ask-if you can give away cars, you can surely give away some plastic I can pee on.
Thanks O.
Love,
Vanessa
Dear God,
Hi. How's things? OK, so, I know in the global scheme of things I'm small potatoes (plus there's that nagging fact that I haven't been to church in, oh, 20 years, but let's not split hairs, m'kay?) but I could use some help. See, I'm almost 10dp2dt and I really want to take a home pregnancy test. I know I'm not supposed to do anything like that for 4 more days, but I tell ya', Big Guy-this is whipping me. I feel my bladder start to let loose if I even see something resembling an hpt. I saw a wrapped plastic Marks and Spencers fork earlier and I think I spent a penny just in anticipation of peeing on that bad boy. Can you help an insignificant little nobody out, God? Can you either throw an hpt down the stairs as a sign that yes, you agree I should test, or else make my bladder shrivel up and turn to dust so that I won't be able to (but let's keep that condition temporary, yes?)
Love,
Vanessa
PS-I'm very sorry I lied that one time. I'm all about the penance, really. Now, about that hpt?
PPS-And, um, if you could make the hpt positive, that'd be perfect, too. I'm not trying to bother you or ask for too much, but, um, FIVE ROUNDS OF IVF, God. FIVE ROUNDS. Help a girl out? Please?
I'd say don't do it, but that would be hypocritical. Maybe make a deal w/ yourself that you can do it Sun AM? After all, AM is your best chance, right? And Sunday isn't too far away. And maybe by then God will have had a chance to strengthen your resolve to wait it out even longer. Or not.
Good luck.
BG
Posted by:BeachGirl | 16 February 2007 at 11:32 PM
Thanks a LOT!
After reading your post and recently seeing 'Talladega Nights' for the second time I have the undeniable urge to start adding to your prayers, to Lord Baby Jesus lying there in his little ghost manger, Jesus wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt and Baby Jesus as a menacing badger...
Well, if it helps you get that BFP I'll help you out any way I can!
Posted by:Watson | 16 February 2007 at 11:40 PM
Dear Vanessa,
There is still that whole issue of you owing me money. Let's true up and we'll talk.
Love,
God.
Posted by:statia | 16 February 2007 at 11:43 PM
Who could resist those heartfelt pleas?
Unless they're still laughing at what statia said in reponse?
Bea
Posted by:Bea | 17 February 2007 at 12:29 AM
I swear to DOG I cannot pray/hope/wish/squeeze any more pg wishes for you. I am soo praying for this, you have no idea, well maybe you do :) Please Please Please Fingers Crossed, toes and labia if that helps, that was a tough one believe me
Posted by:Cheryl | 17 February 2007 at 02:11 AM
When you find that tree that supplies those magical pregnancy tests that really go work 5 days before your "missed" period - lemme know! We'd make a fortune!
Until then, I am pulling for you. I took a test or two by this point a couple of months ago.
Pure torture.
Posted by:Michele | 17 February 2007 at 02:17 AM
http://www.saveontests.com
This has been my saviour. And my wallet's as well.
And if you order now, you'll get them just in time to pee on a bunch.
Posted by:Jenny (vegas) | 17 February 2007 at 02:22 AM
if you REALLY MUST pee on plastic, I have some forks that I can break the tines off of.... It won't change color, but it might relieve the urge.....
Just a few more days.
Posted by:caltechgirl | 17 February 2007 at 06:13 AM
Between the tuxedoed Baby Jesus, paying my debt back to God, crossed labias and tineless forks, you folks had me laughing so hard I worried about cannonballing another pessary. Thanks :)
Posted by:Vanessa | 17 February 2007 at 08:17 AM
Its all crossed for you!! I agree with Jenny pee on plastic folks or saomething the pee tests are EVIL!!
Posted by:shazz | 17 February 2007 at 09:53 AM
Dear Vanessa,
Long time reader/first time commenter here!
I've got a hard job.
It's a dirty job.
It's a wet job.
I wish I'd listened to Mom and just finished school. Only eleven more months and I could have been a doctor.
I just wanted you to know that I know I've let you down in the past but I'm going to do all that I can to help you out this time. I'm pulling for you, too.
-Affectionately,
Earl P. Stick
p.s. Dear Shazz, I am not evil. I'm misunderstood. I cannot lie, your words wound me deeply. How would you like it if I peed on YOU sometime?
Posted by:Lindsay | 17 February 2007 at 01:42 PM
Have you sent a message in a bottle yet?
Posted by:Lut C. | 17 February 2007 at 08:35 PM
I followed my OB GYN advice and I bought them in bulk on Amazon. They work perfectly well. I know I will be considered as evil by other bloggers, but pee on your sticks. I think it is better than going insane. What do you have to lose? If it is negative, you know it was too early to take the test. If it is positive, we will all cheer for your!
Posted by:marie-baguette | 18 February 2007 at 02:04 PM
Hang in there Vanessa, I am always thinking about you.
Posted by:infertilegirl | 18 February 2007 at 04:00 PM
(speaking thru megaphone)
"Vanessa, put your hands in the air and MOVE AWAY FROM THE PEESTICKS... Step back.... ssslllooowwwlllyyyy....."
Posted by:Meri-ann | 19 February 2007 at 07:14 AM
You sense of humor never fails to amaze me. I'm curious to know if you gave in. Thinking of you.
Posted by:jenny | 20 February 2007 at 01:07 AM