Twenty Seconds From Meltdown

I said I was worried about it, didn't I?

I was so scared, I was mentally bracing myself, and here it is: I was napping on the couch and woke up and peed, and I'm spotting. 

It's brownish-red. 

I'm home alone, Aidan's still in Sweden until tomorrow night and there are no ultrasound options to tell me if this is absolutely nothing or not until Monday when the Early Pregnancy Unit opens up again.  I've been down this road before and it makes me shake with horror that it could happen again.  All I can do is try to stay calm and not freak out that the same thing is ocurring, that it's party over, that they're gone.  I know that I have two lovely heartbeats.  I know that some bleeding can occur in many (maybe even most) normal pregnancies.  I know that brown blood is ok, but my spotting has that "any minute now I'm turning all red" feeling.  I know my chances of miscarriage are low.  I try to tell myself all of this, wrapping it up like a cashmere mantra.

Anyone up there?  You listening?  Can you help a girl out and let all this be nothing?  Please?

Comments

[Becca]

hang in there sweetie. I'm thinking about you and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

[Suz]

ok - everything is ok. Hang in there - no panicking - just breathing and repeating "they are good, I'm good, everybody is good!"

Go ahead and post every 10 minutes if you have to get those negative thoughts out of your head. It might help you clear your mind.

[andria]

I'm crossing my fingers for you!

[Sara]

Telling you to de-stress right now is like telling a runaway freight train to 'try the brakes'. Hang in there, and stay away from Dr. Google; I can't imagine you will find anything helpful.

I agree with Suz, you should do whatever it takes to keep some of those thoughts at bay. I still have lots of faith for you!

[April]

Thinking of you and sending you love.

[Jen-Again]

Adding my oh so soft and fuzzy toe socks prayer to your cashmere mantra- hopefully we'll have you so surrounded by soft and lovely goodness that things will be OK.

[Christina]

You're okay and those little hearts are in there beating away! I am 10w2d and had some spotting at 7w(bight freaking pink SOO close to red i used a q-tip just to check for sure!) but no cramping, just two quarter sized spots followed by some tanish dabs.... I had to wait until a Monday as well and it was terrible. But mine is fine, and so is yours. Now I know Aiden is out of town but have you had any sex in the past 48-60 hrs?? That is what caused mine. And you are right, brown is old brown is FINE! Hang in there,and to repeat the others do not go on line. Just take it easy, and dont wipe so much you make yourself sore.

[judi]

Thinking of you. I'm not sure if you want to hear stories of bleeding and successful pregnancies. With my pregnancy there was a lot of bleeding, and it was red, and I believe it happened on and off about three times. But still somehow I have a baby boy who is alive and kickin'.

[Lee]

Sorry you're alone right now - hang in there! Just try and think about that huge percentage they gave you after the scan. I'm thinking of you! x

[hopefulmother]

Hoping and praying for you. LOTS.

[Erica]

Praying for you..I had a friend that spotted her whole pregnancy and everything was ok. Just keep thinking of those heart beats and take it easy.

[ER]

Our thoughts are with you and the little ones. Beat hearts beat!

[caltechgirl]

I am saying many many prayers for you and your little twin stars today and always.

I hope you can take it easy and focus on good things until tomorrow when A comes back to be with you.

[jen]

Hi, here by way of caltechgirl...

I know the fear and pain of miscarriage - be encouraged that you and your precious cargo are in my prayers.

I also know the fear of bleeding during a successful pregnancy - I had four rather large bleeds in my pregnancy. Hang in there, rest, and have hope.

[Michele]

Breathe dammit. Brownish spotting is ok ... it is! Some women spot and act as if they have periods throughout their pregnancies.

I'll tell you a story ....

Once upon a time there was this girl named Karen. Karen was very overweight and was teased a lot for it. Over the years she built up the reputation of kicking asses if you said anything - so no one ever did again. She fell in lurve with a younger brother of a friend of mine and had the sex. She had a lot of the sex I guess and 9 months later had a wee bit of a stomach ache. Into the doctor she went and out with a baby she came.

Talking to her about it years later she swears up and down she still had a period the entire time she was pregnant. She thought that the movement she felt was gas!

An urban legend standing right in front of my eyes.

And you thought you were gassy with those butt bullets!

Happy warm yellow thoughts. *hug*

[Michele]

Just to be a bitch ...

There aren't any wand wielding emergency rooms types over there??

I know you've checked your options ... I'm just rather shocked. I'd be on the phone calling and demanding a whirling wand so I could check myself.

[wRitErsbLock]

oh honey. HAPPY THOUGHTS TO YOU.

[isabel]

Terrifying. You can't go to the emergency room and get an u/s that way? You can say you fell or something...

Hang tough, I know it's really hard right now. Stay strong, sister.

[canape]

I'm not breathing, so I'm guessing you aren't either. Start with that. Time to inhale. And exhale.

Is there something you can do to get some answers? Positive thoughts are awesome. Positive answers are even better.

Will be thinking of you.

[Nini]

I've been there too - I was nine weeks along (also with twins) when I started spotting brown then bright red - all on new year's day. I was convinced it was all going to hell. Had to wait to go in for a look and all was fine - dr. said some spotting/bleeding is even more common with twins. Had a few more episodes up until about 13 weeks and each time dr. didn't even want to see me unless it got heavy (it never did). Keep the faith and rest up - and if you've got any emergency rooms open on weekends by all means get yourself down there for some piece of mind. Thinking good thoughts for you.

[donna]

OK, I can't say anything that everyone else hasn't already said, but I will say this. When I was pregnant, if I strained too hard to poop, I'd end up with some pinkish brownish spotting, and every time we had sex, I had the same pinkish brownish spotting. Wrap up, eat your mac and cheese, watch good tv and do your yoga breathing.

I'll be waiting for updates.

Love you!

[megan]

brownisfine brownisfine brownisfine . . .
sending goodness your way.

[Amanda]

Oh Vanessa...I know this is difficult enough alone, but know that we are all there with you, holding your hand and praying that it stays brown, or even just goes away.
Please: Keep us updated.
I'm sending up some prayers as well that those two little hearts keep beating.
Hang in there!!!

[Bea]

Breathe, rest, take care of yourself. It's almost certainly going to be fine. Go to A&E if it comes to that. Find yourself a calming trashy novel. (Enough assvice for now?)

Bea

[Katie]

They do tend not to have ultrasound in Accident and Emergency and they also tend not to regard it as an emergency if you think you might be miscarrying, since they can't do anything about it. There are private ultrasound places, but, like most private medicine in the UK, they keep very short hours and are completely useless.

I can only say - breathe, and don't do anything that involves going far from home. You will just get nervous if you do that. But do something - not nothing - even if that is watching something on the telly that takes your mind off it for half an hour.