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10 July 2007

Comments

Meg

I have been reading all along and often would have liked to have commented but felt unwelcome here.

I am happy for you Vanessa. And I am glad you understand how it feels to be being happy when you know others are heartbroken.

Meg

I hope that doesnt sound bitchy; it's not meant to.

Zee

Vanessa, for me it's not a matter of rejecting the pregnant ones, it's about protecting myself. Yes, I do avoid pregnant friends in real life, and I tend to stop commenting on blogs once people get pregnant. That's just what I do. It's not about being cliquish, it's not about anyone else but me. I'm just not so comfortable around people of whom I'm so jealous I'm cross-eyed half the time. And I don't think that's wrong or unfair. I do still care and I do still read, but here's the problem: More often than not, even though I'm glad for the One Who Made It Out, I still end up feeling sad or angry for ME--and that's not a great place from which to write a happy, supportive comment. (And I know you know exactly how this goes. You blogged about it many times before becoming a "have.")

And, since we're being honest here (and I'm not trying to be mean or snarky) I have to say that it's really easy to be open handed and generous when you've finally got your hand on the brass ring. It's easy to look back and say, "I'm so sorry now for abandoning the pregnant ones when I was still trying, now that I know how scared/overwhelmed/uncertain they must have felt and how much they probably missed me and still needed to feel loved and accepted and supported." Hindsight is easy. And I say this hoping to have the opportunity to feel that way myself someday. And I'm sure that if and when my time comes I will probably feel the way you do right now, so I'm not criticizing or invalidating, so please, PLEASE don't take it that way. But please remember what it was like just a short time ago when you had no sense that there might be any sort of happy ending for you. Yes, I know that even being pregnant doesn't guarantee the happy ending--but it does make it seem a whole lot more likely. And with that comes a whole different perspective. It doesn't make the pain and fear of all those years of battling IF go away, but you have to admit that it does reframe the whole experience quite significantly.

Okay, rant over. Just remember that I do still love you too. No matter what.

Sarah

Have or have-not, I always appreciate a good story by an honest, witty author (that'd be you).

That's why I continue to read your blog despite 2 years of have-nottiness. Often seeing a new post on Twisted Ovaries is one of the highlights of my day. And that is *not* as lame as it sounds, it just means I don't have many kindred souls in my immediate neighborhood.

Seriously, girl - you rock.
I concur with Christine - we need you (even if this is the first time we've been compelled to post).

Donna

As an infertile who shall forever remain so, I just find it difficult to relate to someone who got pregnant and had a baby, things I never experienced. So often the new mom is asking for advice or is posting something where she needs reassurance she isn't the only one who feels the way she does. I'll keep reading you because I love you and you are a brilliant writer, but it does change the whole color of a blog when the author goes through a major life change. That's just the way life works.

Julie

What a magnificent post. Thanks for this.

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