Blurbs

• Aidan busted me out of the sickhouse over the weekend, so I'm at home recovering.  I'm on heavy duty antibiotics and although my wee comes easily now, it's not as much as it should be nor is it anything resembling a color that a human being should be emitting.  But what the hell.  As long as I can pee, I'm happy.

• The doctors said the hydronephrosis will stay with me throughout the pregnancy, and now that I've had an infection I'm at risk of having more of them.  My first kidney infection was actually in 1999, and I was hospitalized for 5 days with that one, running fevers so high that at one point I had a seizure (nothing like a little cooked brain to get the day started).  I'm feeling much better, just very drained and tired, and I get so tired just walking around that I sound like the fat kid chasing the ice cream truck.  The doctors assured me that my body is just worn out fighting the infection and it will recover.  This would be nice.

• I lost 2 kilos (4.4 pounds) in the hospital.  This means that I am up 10 kilos (22 pounds) from my pre-pregnancy weight.  I am (today) 27 weeks pregnant with twins-somehow 10 kilos does not sound like much.

• I only have one more week of those fucking progesterone suppositories and I am literally counting down the days I have to face them.  I know the PIO shots are bad and everything, but I think most of the PIO ladies only had to be on them for 8 weeks or so.  By next week, I will have been on the progesterone suppositories for 30 weeks.  For 30 weeks I have been pushing my finger up my ass twice a day to help prevent pre-term labor, and that's not including the 2 weeks that the pharmacy ran out of the 400mg pessaries and had to give me 200mg pessaries, so for two weeks I was venturing north 4 times a day.  I will absolutely not miss the suppositories in any way, shape, or form. Ever.

• I love my dad enormously.  Hugely.  But if he tells me one more time that I will never sleep again I'm going to tell him that I firmly believe the Swedish milkman we had is my real father.  I absolutely know I will sleep again.  You know why?  Because I'm not sleeping now.  I got a lot of sleep over the weekend thanks to heavy painkillers the hospital gave me to get past the kidney stones, and that was fantastic.  The past two nights now I simply haven't been sleeping, I just can't get comfortable. If I sleep in one position I can't breathe.  If I sleep on one side the twin that gets relegated to the bottom gets really fucked off and starts practicing a little kung fu fighting.  If I move to the other side then the previous throne-holding twin gets angry and rewards me with sharp kicks and punches.  If I sleep with my back and butt elevated to help breathing I get crampy.  Through it all, I get restless leg syndrome acting up. Mostly I just can't get comfortable.  It's party central.  So I'm going to start decking the people that dare to tell me I will never sleep once they're born, because seriously-this is the best training for when they get here that I can think of.  Plus, people, come on-give me something to look forward to, would'ja?

• Which brings me to the next point-it's hard to breathe.  Very hard.  Not only are the hormones wrecking havoc on my hay fever, but the babies are now firmly squishing my diaphragm and lungs.  I use a Vick's inhaler and take a lot of showers to help with the hay fever, but there's only so long you want everything to smell like mentholatum.  The diaphragm and lungs…well I guess I have to just suck it up.  I can't sit up in a desk chair for long as they press on the diaphragm too hard.  I can't lie down.  The best position is standing or reclining, so I spend a lot of time in those positions.

• I wrote two letters yesterday, which Aidan is posting.  One is to my hospital for being so fantastic.  Honestly, the hospital really was great.  They were chaotically busy and my room-which had 5 other women and myself-was often neglected for the other rooms which had moms having babies (although while I was out for a renal scan one woman in my antenatal room actually had her baby in the room.  They literally couldn't get her to L&D in time and so pulled back all the curtains and she actually delivered her baby in the antenatal room.  Mum and baby were just fine, and of course I missed out on all the action.)  But the midwives were stellar, honestly.  The other letter though, is to the Royal Surrey Hospital (are you listening, Royal Surrey?)  I rang them the night I knew something was wrong, and asked if I could come in.  I was informed in no uncertain terms that no, I couldn't come in, as they would then have to do paperwork for me!  It was "such a palaver", them having to do paperwork.  Couldn't I just get in a car and drive myself further to my own hospital?  So they wouldn't have to do paperwork?  Well, Royal Surrey, I did get in the car and went to my own hospital, and you lot can SUCK IT.  I've written to the complaints manager and will be writing to the NHS complaints line, too. Thank God I didn't have you do anything like, I dunno, help protect my babies for the sake of some paperwork.

• After finding out that both during infections and after labor the midwives encourage women to take a warm bath and pee in it (which now explains the industrial-sized bottle of cleaner I saw in there), I can whole-heartedly say that peeing in the tub did indeed get me through the bad infection days.  I'm not proud to admit it, but when it comes to pain relief, I'll take it.  But it is maybe time I stopped eyeing up bathtubs in magazines and assessing whether I could get a gusher out of me or not.  That's maybe not normal.

I'm sure I sound whiny and ungrateful.  I promise I am grateful I'm still packing two healthy babies who are hanging in there, but here's the truth of it: Pregnancy is much harder than I thought it would be.  I didn't expect a cake walk or anything, I'm not that naïve, but I had no idea that it was so physically taxing and trying.  You are always very aware of the pressure of a heavy bowling ball in the lower half of your body.  When they kick it gets pretty painful after a while.  You can't breathe and you can't sleep and you still have a ways to go.

Speaking of which, I can't explain why but I'm pretty sure the babies will be coming earlier than my doctor-promised 37 weeks. But the babies did have the super mongo steroid shots to develop their lungs faster (which I was told actually do make a very big difference indeed).  So if they don't come early then I see a future where their capacious lungs come in handy.  Opera singing, maybe.  Perhaps a career in freediving.

So here we are.

Comments

[jen]

Glad to hear you're doing better and are at home again. Hang in there - you will get sleep after the babies are born. It won't be in large chunks, but you will sleep.

Pregnancy is hard. And if you have a high risk pregnancy, then the joy of it is kind of sapped out of you. It's a shame, that, but I can tell you that once you have those precious babies in your arms you will not regret one moment of stress or discomfort you endured in your pregnancy. Those babies are going to radically change your life (I think they already have, actually).

Still praying for you and the Lemonheads...

[caba]

Hang in there. I didn't have a fun pregnancy either, but the ends justify the means for sure!

And you WILL sleep again. I have 4 month old twins, and they have been sleeping through the night (8pm-7am) since month 3.

Of course the first few weeks are hectic and you do feel like you will never sleep again, but you will. I promise. You never hear of new moms dying of sleep deprivation, do you? I hope not. 8-)

Hang in there!

[kristen with an e]

Your sleep might be broken up for feedings. You might not have as many chances to just lay down. But I found that, after pregnancy insomnia (all the symptoms you mentioned), and the babies are here - when your head hits the pillow...

bliss. no dreams. no tossing/turning. pure sweet nothing.

[marie-baguettte]

yeah I hate it too when people tell me my lack of sleep is a good preparation. What a good preparation would be? a freaking vacation from the party in the belly! I am so sorry you went through such an horrible time. I can't even imagine how worried you must have been. Take good care of yourself. Is there anything you can do not get sick again, apart from peeing in baths? Cranberry juice? more antibiotics?

[minawolf]

My best friend had her twins at about 28 weeks and they were both just fine. They did stay at the hospital for a bit but nothing crazy. This month they'll be celebrating their 3rd birthday.

[caltechgirl]

Of course you'll sleep again. I'm sure there will be nights where you are up until the sunrise and days where you don't think it's possible to get enough caffeine to make it through, but that happens even without infants in the house. The last part of any process is always the hardest: moving, leaving a job, school, pregnancy... Just take a deep breath and focus on holding one little bundle in each arm with a lovely flat stomach and a healthy kidney.

So happy to hear you're feeling better.

[statia]

Dude. I fucking HATED when people told me I would never sleep again. Especially when I was so damn uncomfortable and not sleeping. I wanted to shove something spiky up their asshole backwards, sideways and upside down. Yeah, you won't sleep much for a little while, but you will sleep again at some point, and I'm saying this in a fit of sleep deprivation. It always passes.

I mean, if not, you're more than welcome to come here and take a running leap over the half wall in our hallway to the family room down below. It'll at least buy you some hospitalization time, where you can sleep in a drug induced haze.

What? Don't look at me like that.

[Kath]

Dear Vanessa, I'm so glad you're doing better. What a relief!

As for sleeping, that must be horrible. My kiddo dislikes certain positions, but at least there are still one or two that we can both live with quite nicely. It must be a bit much to have to accommodate three people at once!

[Joy]

Yay! Glad you are home and doing better!
You will sleep again ... people are nutz! The silly things they say to pregnant women ... don't they know we're hyped up on hormones (at least I am ... luckily I haven't kung fu fought anyone yet - although I've been very very tempted)

[Emma B]

One of my very clear memories from the birth is how wonderful it felt to be able to really breathe again. As soon as Katherine (twin B) was hauled out from underneath my ribcage, I could take a full breath for the first time in months, and it felt awesome.

Twinfant sleep deprivation is a cakewalk compared to third-trimester twin pregnancy. Ignore any comments about pregnancy made by someone who hasn't actually been pregnant with multiples -- there's simply no way they can understand what it's like.

Glad to hear you're home, and here's hoping the rest of the pregnancy is trouble-free!

[Lut C.]

You have every reason to complain a bit! And then some.
You're not having the most easy time of it right now.

I hope things improve soon.

[Sara]

glad you are doing better!

[Margi]

You will sleep again. Of course. There will be days you'll swear you haven't slept for a year - but boy oh boy - when you get some uninterrupted zzzz's? Oooooh man, that's better n' sex. Heh.

Funny how the babies know when it's time, hey?

At least my lil' one was 36 weeks - and he didn't have to have oxygen or any lung problems in the NICU.

So so sooo glad you're feeling better!

[Patience]

Hey babe,

Glad you and the 'heads are doing ok; despite all the lack of wees and such you still make me smile!

x

[Becks]

Blimey....just catching up from getting back from hoiday -my have you been busy!!

Glad you are out of the hospital and I do hope you get some sleep soon.

Oh and don't tell anyone but I have sat in the bath at stupid times in the morning to relieve the pain from kidney infections!

P.S I know it seems a lifetime of posts ago but loved the virtual tour photos you posted.

[jv]

Vanessa, so happy to hear you're at home and doing better.

[teamwinks]

The clever sleep comments. Those seem to never end. :-)

Hang in there, and I'm glad to hear you and the babies are ok.