Eees no labor, Senora.
Or might be labor, but all ok still.
I went ahead and slept on it (or as much as I could sleep, anyway), and this morning - much to Aidan's delight - after calling L&D they did, as expected, ask me to come in. I got wired up to the monitor, where both babies spent their time trying to kick the sensors off and succeeded about 50% of the time, and I was strapped in to a contractor sensor. The bands were on quite tight and I felt not unlike a sausage wearing far too many belts, but this is the joy of pregnancy, right?
The babies are healthy and very, very active. Surprisingly active according to the midwife. And because of the way they are facing, they're causing my uterus great distress. My uterus is not in great shape anyway - I've been diagnosed with Irritable Uterus (much like the rest of me) thanks to the many infections I've had (and am still showing traces of infection in my urine despite being on antibiotics, so there's something to keep me on edge) and due to the twins.
I am having regular contractions and have done for about 24 hours now, but as they're only reaching max 25% on the uterine contraction "Scale of Heaven-o-Meter", they've been ruled Braxton-Hicks contractions. Unfortunately, once again due to the babies' placement and the infections, the contractions will feel that much stronger to me than if I were, oh, I dunno, lucky. The registrar said that there is a chance the uterine contractions are actually being caused by the twins' movement and my UTIs, so if there was ever a case for getting liquored up and then downing a few sleeping tablets, then surely this is it, right? Right?
Yes I'm kidding. Relax. I've been drinking whole lakes of water to keep the contractions at bay and that's not going to change any time soon.
But there are signs that things are going on. The doctor wanted to keep me in for observation but I fought him on it, as we live quite close to the hospital anyway and neither Aidan nor I wanted a hospital stay in our future unless it involved serious vaginal action, and not in the "two girls at a slumber party and look! The hot pizza guy showed up!" kind of way. After an ultrasound and a pelvic exam (hey, thank God I got waxed on Wednesday! It hurt like fuck but had I not done it there was a good chance the doc's hand might have gotten ensnared in there) it's been determined that the boy twin is indeed engaged, and he's actually fully engaged. As he's made room his sister has gone from breech to transverse, which maybe explains why suddenly my stomach has really changed in size.
And although my cervix is still closed, it's now soft, which is not only new for me but is a sign that the body is beginning to ready itself for labor. According to the midwife, the cervix goes through 3 steps to kick off the labor bandwagon: 1) cervix softens, 2) cervix shortens, 3) cervix peels back like a lotus blossom (seriously, those were her words. Very Bhagavad Gita and all that, but I imagine the cervix peeling back is a somewhat messier process.)
I'm on short notice to be ready to dash to the hospital if my waters break or if the contractions get to 3-4 minutes apart. For now, they continue at 8 minutes apart, and I'm to relax (ha!) That's easy for them to say, as my compulsion to clean over the past few days has taken a turn for the mental, I literally MUST clean, the world might stop turning if I don't scrub out the vegetable drawer in the fridge, people may die, and do you really want that on your head?
But I'm home. I'm waiting to see if my second round of false labor turns to labor. The doctor gives me a 50/50 chance of early labor. And there's something in the back of my head telling me that he might be right, and that the babies will be coming early.