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14 July 2007



This is a very touching post. I wish you could find it in yourself to not feel guilty -- perfectly good eggs sometimes don't work while below average result in perfect pregnancies. It is such a lottery. You did everything you could to help other couples. You have been extremely generous. I know that I could not do what you did. It is not that I am against donating gametes, but it makes me very uncomfortable. When our IVF#2 failed, we started to think about adoption. Eggs or sperm donation was never an acceptable option for me.


I agree with MB, I don't think there should be any guilt here. You didn't choose which egg went where, that was the clinic. And there was sperm involved in each situation, so the fact that her embryos didn't take might be nothing to do with your donation's quality. You did a good thing.


I'll add to Thalia's comment that it might have been the condition of her uterus that factored into the lack of success as well -- there are so many things beyond the number and quality of eggs she received over which you have no control that truly there is no reason for you to feel guilty.

Now, I wasn't surprised to hear that you felt badly about the recipient's lack of success. I was, however, surprised at how the nurse phrased the woman's unfortunate luck. Perhaps it's because I would like to donate the embryos that we don't use to a couple who so desperately wants a child, that I don't understand the perspective of donating while at the same time wishing for failure.


Very touching post. And if only we could divvy up the babies a bit better - you're freaking out with two, and she didn't get pregnant at all. Life has no sense of balance sometimes. But you're right - there is merit in giving someone the chance, and you can only give her the best chance you can give.



That's something really hard to think about - I didn't know they told you the outcome so soon (I guess I thought they didn't tell you at all, but they must do if you have the new non-anonymity thing I suppose!).

But given that you have a different uterus and different sperm, perhaps it is not the other woman's eggs after all that are causing her problems (well, perhaps she doesn't have any of them at all - I don't know) but it isn't YOUR fault.


I'll call this response HOPE, but first I just want to say how f*'ing amazing that women are prepared to donate their eggs anyway, so I don't think you should feel anything other than pride for being prepared to help others, regardless of the outcome (which you have no control over).

Onto HOPE....my IVF#1 was rubbish, I only got 4 eggs. I started thinking last week about my own down reg. My doctor was away so I was down regulating for 27 days, and I wondered if this could have affected my response to stims (which was crap). When I just read your post my little heart did a little dance of hope that IVF#2 might be better.

I'd be really interested to hear how long you were down regulating for - if you have time, would you mind dropping me an email? onemiracleneeded@hotmail.co.uk

Thanks so much.

Lut C.

I can imagine that you'd feel affected by the fate of your donee's. After all, you know all to well what it feels like, to get negative after negative.
On the other hand, you gave them a chance, were many others did not.

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