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16 September 2007



Was the bloody show as exciting as you thought it would be? I expected a bit more fanfare - perhaps some singing and dancing. It is a "show" after all.

When I went to the hospital post-show, they told me at first that it may have been something else. You know, some other clump of mucus that would randomly come out around the time you go into labour...fucking idiots.

Anyway, it's all kicking off now, isn't it m'dear? Shit, I better respond to that email before I never hear from you again.


Stepmother to two nine year olds, married 11 months. The adjustment has been extraordinary. Fortunately, I had a good example of a stepmother in my own. Stumbling through and doing the best I can--apologizing when I screw up--and talking about it to my husband often are the things I keep repeating. Hang in there--can't wait to *meet* the cuties!


I am currently going through my first miscarriage- I am at 9 weeks, the growing stopped at 7 weeks. One of my best friends is pregnant with her second and has the same due date that I had. I am so happy for her, but definitely am also envious. I am 37, trying for my first and it took us 2 years to get to this point- I look at her at 31 years old and having her second and have some pangs of envy. I am trying to get past that so that I can just be happy for her as her pregnancy progresses, but it is still a bit new and raw. I haven't done IUI of IVF, so I cannot say what the comparison of loss is to an unassisted pregnancy loss, but the envy of easily obtained and maintained pregnancy is very close I think.

As a step-child myself, I think you are approaching your step-children in a perfect manner.

Congratulations on your progress, I am so looking forward to hearing about your little ones!


Good luck with your little ones. Please please please keep us updated. I am excited for you.


I'm sorry you felt compelled to quote Tom.

Some great thoughts on being a stepmum. Quite an insight. I'm sure your lens will change with the arrival and growing-up of the twins, too.



"Also, this morning? The bloody show appeared."

Oh my! I got all tingly when I read that and immediately thought...The Lemonheads are coming! The Lemonheads are coming!!! How exciting!

I'll be stalking your blog for news...hourly ;)

I'm a step mother. My step son was married yesterday. I've been his step mom for 24 and a half years. His mother has not seen him since he was 18 months old. She just moved away and moved on. How a mother does that, I do not know. But I have tried to be the best mother I know how to be to him and we long, long ago left the word step out of our relationship. I am his mother. I've earned that title.

We've had our ups and downs through the years and continue at times to be able to find no common ground...but I love him.

We had our share and then some of growing pains as we blended our family (I had 2, hubby had 1 and then we had 1 together) There were times of anger, bitterness, sadness, envy, frustration and major desire to throw in the towel in those early years...we survived and I'm thankful every day that we are a family.

I'll be thinking of you Vanessa...and of course the Lemonheads. Sending prayers your way for the safe delivery of your son and daughter~


I cant believe it, they are nearly here!

I'll be thinking of you and sending you non-painful, no stress, positive vibes for the birth!

abs x


'I think we all self-destruct just a bit before we can start to heal again.'
What a great line, I think I might copy it into my journal! I think it's very true.

I read your story about you and your stepkids and the pain a stepmother feels who can't/didn't have children and I thought of one of my mothers-in-law. She didn't have children and I don't even like to think of how she feels now with two grown up stepkids and their children (or non-children in my husband and my case). I don't want to think about it because even though I'm not a stepmother, I can imagine that pain of not having children one day in twenty years time and I don't want to imagine it, I want to hope it will be different, but I can still imagine how cutting the pain must be.

I liked your bashert comments. I also think there are a handful of people who we could be with and it still amazes me that my husband and I found each other and how perfectly he (have to quote them too, blearrrk) completes me.


You had some great insight into Emilia's stepmom situation, and how that can just heighten the issues of infertility (or in her case, infant death). I hope everything will go smoothly with your twins!

I'm not sure I believe in a bashert, I guess in part because I wonder if there is just one or even a handful of soulmates we are destined to be with, what's the likelyhood of being able to find them? I think of my relationship with husband, and know that it has grown and deepened from the time and work we have put into it. Of course it started off with initial attraction, but I guess maybe I believe that most relationships have potential, just that some grow while others flounder or end. Maybe the ones that grow are only the bashert ones? Interesting idea to ponder.


I actually had to wiki "bloody show" (I though it was just a Brit expression) because I never experienced pregnancy/delivery.

I liked your insights about step-motherhood. Especially in light of your writing them on your eve of motherhood.

I don't know WHAT you were talking about in your comments on my blog. I feel like it was MY ass that was kicked. Thanks, though, for making my day :-).

I'll be thinking of you in the next few days. Can't wait to hear the rest...


Thank you for sharing your experience of step motherhood. I am not a step mom but I had one for a brief time and my mom has been one but to adult children for the last 18 years. It is a hard job, even if they are grown up when it happens.

Your line about being self destructive before we heal struck a chord in me.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the book.


Thank you so much for the stepmoms perspective. It sounds like you have worked really hard to have a situation that works for you and your family.


Whoa whoa whoa, bloody show as in "the start is here?" Sending many good thoughts for an easy delivery in case you go into labour before we email again :-)

I love having your perspective on this book with the step-parenting stuff. Talk about eye-opening; I had never thought about that idea of how far back it goes--even to the grandchildren.


WOOHOO for the bloody show! I have not followed your blog for very long but I am very excited and happy for what lies ahead.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the book. I loved hearing the stepmom perspective - it really sheds some light on things I found to be confusing or foreign to me.

I agree that we self-destruct before we can truly heal. I have sunk to my lowest of lows after my losses before I was able to really accept what had happened and move on.


I'm so glad I got the stepmom stuff right. I've experienced in one way or another the other stuff, but while my mother was a stepmother, I am not. I did watch friends pretty closely. That thing with the torn picture? That actually happened.


It was good to hear your comment about self-destruction. Some of us desperately need it to heal and hopefully, sooner, rather than later, intelligence kicks in (perhaps with an ounce of hope?) and we recognize the destructive behavior. Is the healing then found in knowing when to stop or in the process itself?

Drowned Girl

I loved your answers, very well written and the stepmother perspective is very interesting.

Good luck with your birth.



Oh god oh eew ick ick ick.

I love you dearly so that's not meant to come off as insensitive.

Also, despite the eew, YAY!!!!


Thanks for the book review. I'm a stepmom too so I think I'll pick that up.
I can't believe how close you are. I'm so happy for you and Aiden.


I have been reading your blog for some time. I am delurking to say how happy I am for you and your family. I hope all is well and that you hang on to those babies for as long as possible!

Waiting Amy

Wow, first, wishing you luck and a speedy and smooth delivery of your little ones.

You comments were wonderful and very informative. I'm not a stepmom, but my sister is -- so it was nice to see her experiences are not much different than manys.

I agree that we often need to self-destruct before healing. Its a bit like an addict I think, hitting rock bottom before moving forward.

Best wishes!


I'll have to check out the book.

Vanessa, I'm the stepmom who either can't get pregnant or whose husband refuses to try. I think after all these years of being off the pill and playing roulette I should have managed to get pregnant by now. I know girls who get pregnant by breathing. You'd think I could manage it. But, I'm too scared to ask my doctor to run any tests. I don't want to kill off my hope.

I read your life and so much of it reminds me of my own.

Hugs to you, V.


Wow, you're this close and you're writing book reviews! I'm impressed!



*pulls out internet hair*

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